Choosing the right assisted living facility is one of the most important decisions you can make for a loved one. It’s crucial to evaluate every aspect of a community, from staff interactions to safety features, to ensure the best possible care. Our free printable Assisted Living Facility Tour Checklist (PDF Download) is designed to help you stay organized and make an informed decision.
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A study in ‘The Gerontologist’ states that, “approximately one-third of 65-year-olds are single.” That’s a 50% increase since 1980 according to the U.S. Census.
Aging with family and friends has been shown to result in improved health of seniors, including lower chances of cognitive impairment, and hospitalization. Research shows that socialization, companionship and hobby-building has great benefits for seniors: older adults who are surrounded by others are at a decreased risk of both cardiovascular and cognitive decline.
For some seniors, moving into an Assisted Living Community is the first step they can take to help maintain or increase the quality of life as they grow older. In reputable communities, experts in the field of long-term care help coordinate between activities to create communities where older adults are able to create new memories with one another. Residents take on scheduled group hobbies such as yoga, cooking, and artistry while pursing passions both new and old. Assisted Living Communities can act as a hub for seniors to connect and make new friends.
Our advice for making friends in a community? Participate and try out all the opportunities that are available. The goal is to foster an natural feeling of community with residents similar in age and circumstances.
There are many seniors who make the transition to assisted living or memory care comfortably. But unfortunately, due to the nature of the disease, sometimes loved ones are faced with an uncomfortable request: “I want to go home.” Such a plea is heartbreaking, and when you hear it every time you visit it can leave you quite distressed.
The first thing to know is that when your loved one says “home,” they probably don’t mean their previous residence. Remember that due to Alzheimer’s and dementia, they’re living in their earlier years. Home is most likely their childhood home, and that place and the people they lived with may be long gone. So before you beat yourself up with guilt, know that they are requesting something impossible that you couldn’t give them no matter how hard you tried.
The best way to deal with this request is with gentleness and a little bit of subterfuge. This is one of those moments where enabling your loved one’s denial may be the better course. Avoid correcting or arguing with your loved one, as this will only cause distress without really aiding them in recognizing the truth.
First, use positive body language such as nodding your head. Then try to change the subject. Look for something interesting going on in the immediate environment. Maybe there’s a bird outside the window, or a colorful painting nearby. Point this out to them and shift the conversation. It may also be helpful if you can move them physically: guide them to the object of interest or turn them to face a different direction. You are trying to get them out of an unproductive rut.
From there, seguey into your loved one’s memories. Get them to talk about what “home” was. This will help them pay this cherished place a visit, if only in their minds. A photo album might be helpful here if you have one. Your discussion may give you some clues about how you can bring home to them in their new living space. Perhaps there are beloved objects or furniture that will help their new surroundings feel more familiar.
Your loved one will likely not completely stop talking about home, and you’ll likely continue to feel the pangs of heartbreak. However, some knowledge about where the request is coming from can help you accept it. This is a case where you may not be able to change external circumstances, but you can change how you react to them.
An Alzheimer’s diagnosis can be isolating, both for the person with the illness and for their caregivers. Illness can often create distance between those who were once close, and the nature of Alzheimer’s disease compounds the problem. Others are unsure if the person will remember them or if they’ll behave inappropriately. Still others may remain in the person’s life, but not acknowledge the disease at all, and thus leave a big silence about a major life event. Many people who suspect they have Alzheimer’s avoid an official diagnosis because they fear the effects on their social world and the painful feelings of rejection and loneliness that would come with it.
However, it is vital that patients get a diagnosis so that they can receive proper care. If someone close to you is going through this important turning point, here’s how you can help.
Listen before judging. A time like this is ripe for family conflict. Should the person get diagnosed and when? If they do have Alzheimer’s, how will the family plan for the future? It may be that the Alzheimer’s patient has disagreements with the rest of the family, or people within the family are fighting among each other. You will have your own opinion on the issues at hand, but make sure you’re hearing out the other side and giving their point of view fair and compassionate consideration. Hold back on stating your viewpoint and ask others for theirs first, to make sure they have a chance to give input. A third-party mediator may be able to help if you worry that conflict will get out of control.
Be supportive. One of the best things you can do for your loved one is to help them think through all the choices they have to make at this time. This may require you to keep your own emotions in check at a time when you might be feeling a lot of fear, so it may not be easy. Keep in mind that your loved one will likely be afraid of seeming to be needy or a worry-wart. Encourage them to talk through their concerns rather than keeping them private.
Stay calm. At this time it’s very important to be patient, and not all of us count this as one of our strengths. But keeping your cool can go a long way towards maintaining a positive relationship with your loved one that will keep them open to your much-needed help. Remember that pointing out that you were right or expressing negativity may not be the most productive course of action. Put a focus on keeping a good relationship.
Using these skills will put you in a position not only to support your loved one, but also help you bridge the gap between them and family and friends. You can play an important role in keeping the peace.
Are you searching for a memory care facility for your loved one, but aren’t sure where to start? Our new complimentary ebook, How to Choose a Memory Care Facility for Your Loved One, is a thorough resource that tells you everything you need to consider when making this important decision. Alzheimer’s disease and dementia are challenging conditions, both for patients and for their families. There comes a point when the care mom or dad needs goes beyond what adult children can provide on their own. It’s at this stage that families begin to seek out a place where their loved one can not only have their care needs met, but hopefully thrive as well.
This guide covers the following:
- What to look for regarding a facility’s environment, safety, staffing, quality of care, and policies.
- A checklist of important details that can help you distinguish high-quality care homes from the rest.
- How to identify signs that a facility has serious underlying problems.
- Types of facilities that have dedicated staff and highly personalized care.
- Important considerations when evaluating the cost of memory care.
For aging adults, the move to an assisted living facility is a major life change, but even more so for a couple who has lived together for many years. It is comforting for families to know that while the selection process is still challenging in this situation, there are a growing number of facilities offering accommodations for couples.
For a couple whose health needs are very different (i.e., one is in excellent health and the other is experiencing cognitive decline), you as the caregiver may be able to find a facility well able to accommodate the needs of both individuals. However, because their needs are vastly different, some facilities may house one in a particular area suitable for them, and then do the same for the spouse. In situations like this, while the couple does not live in the same room, they are still able to visit with one another often and share meals and other activities. This is often quite beneficial for the spouse in better health, because while their spouse’s health needs are too great for them to handle, they can still live and socialize under the same roof.
When both spouses are experiencing similar levels of health challenges, arranging for common living space is much easier. For these couples, privacy may become a major hurdle and developing social relationships with others in the assisted living facility can become more difficult (as it becomes much easier to simply keep to themselves). The rule of thumb, though, for the caregiver and assisted living staff, is to focus your selection options on the spouse whose health needs are greater (or the spouse who is older). Discuss this with your loved one’s healthcare professionals before coming to a final decision.
Living together in an assisted living facility can come with tremendous cost benefits as well. Generally speaking, in situations where one spouse is very healthy and the other requires higher level care, the spouse with good health simply pays for room and boarding expenses, while an additional fee is assessed for the care of the other spouse. In short, they are paying for only one room. Many assisted living facilities offer a pricing tier, with the lowest care needs at the bottom of the tier, while others provide services using a la carte, fee-for-service or all-inclusive pricing packages.
The truth is, cohabitation with a loving spouse or partner translates into increased happiness and overall better health generally. These benefits would most certainly apply if the couple moves together into an assisted living facility. It may, in fact, strengthen the bond each has with the other, because in this type of environment, each individual’s needs are met in a friendly, healthy manner. Therefore, this gives the couple the freedom to reconnect with one another in a manner often lost over the years in the midst of health problems and other concerns.
By consulting the staff, touring the facility and discussing your loved one’s health needs, you as a caregiver will certainly be capable of supporting your loved ones’ housing choices…together.
Photo used under Creative Commons from imarcc.
- Does the facility cover these plans with the residents and the staff on a frequent schedule? There should be regular reviews and drills that involve both the residents and the staff. What kind of emergency training do staff members have?
- Is someone who is well-versed in the plan and capable of leading staff in carrying it out on site at all times? Is there a plan to increase staff during a disaster? The number of people necessary to support a facility on a day to day basis may be insufficient during an emergency situation.
- Are there disaster kits on site? If so, what is included in these kits and how will they be distributed and used in the event of a disaster? A facility should have disaster kits on hand that provide each person with canned food and water for one week. The kit should also contain candles, matches, flashlights, batteries, and first aid and sanitation supplies.
- Even during an emergency, residents need to continue following their care plans. Ask the facility about their ability to continue without interruption during a disaster. Care plans should be easily accessible.
- How will essential medications be dispensed during and after a disaster? You will want to be sure your loved one can get their medication during disasters.
- Is there a plan for how to notify family members in an emergency?
- How often is the plan updated?
Photo used under Creative Commons from Bunches and Bits.
Today, seniors enjoy a wide range of options to choose from when it comes to finding a place to spend their later years. Things haven’t always been this way. In fact, not too long ago, assisted living wasn’t even an option. Prior to the advent of these facilities, older people could only choose between staying at home under the care of a family member or a hired caregiver, or going to a nursing home.
Going to a nursing home was not something one wanted to do, as it often meant forfeiting basic rights, such as the right to privacy. Many times, residents were not permitted to have locks on their doors and would have to share bathrooms. The institutionalized setting and communal bathing and showering areas created an environment all too reminiscent of some of the facilities used to care for the mentally ill. To make matters worse, nursing homes were gaining a reputation for being places where the elderly were frequently mistreated, neglected or even abused.
Dr. Keren Brown Wilson, whose own mother lived in a nursing home, made it her life’s work to develop alternative means to care for the elderly. She was integral in the inception of the first assisted living facility, which would serve as a model for such facilities all across the country. One of Dr. Wilson’s major priorities when developing the assisted living model was to restore the privacy and dignity that were missing in the institutionalized settings of nursing homes. In addition to this, Dr. Wilson made sure that these facilities were adequately staffed with round-the-clock supervision and a more individualized level of care with one-on-one support.
This prototype for a new and innovative way to provide care for the elderly drew attention from many other organizations that then helped turn assisted living into a viable alternative for older adults looking to make the transition to a living situation that provided more support.
The need for supportive living accommodations for seniors is greater than ever, and fortunately, there are a variety of desirable arrangements available. Today’s seniors can choose from different types of assisted living facilities depending on the specific care they need, their budget, and lifestyle choices. Their options, rather than demeaning them at the end of their lives, can help make these years a golden time to enjoy the sunset of their days with few worries.
The desire to stay in your own home and remain independent as long as possible is a strong one. Unfortunately, as we get older we eventually reach a point where this is no longer viable or safe. How can you convince a parent that it’s time to make a move to assisted living, where they can get the support they need, and help them see the transition as a positive one? Here are several tips for having this difficult conversation.
Enlist the help of a medical professional. If your parent is like most of us, he or she will have a sense of pride regarding the ability to care for him or herself. This is completely natural, and the idea that one can no longer do this is a severe blow. It is for this reason that seeking the opinion of their doctor or another healthcare provider they trust can help to add weight to your suggestions when discussing the potential move to an assisted living facility.
Avoid potentially condescending sympathy. It is important to realize that, despite any health complications that your parent may be experiencing, your sympathy is not what’s needed at this moment. Of course, it is always nice to have compassion for your parent. Yet discussing the move to an assisted living facility can elicit feelings of powerlessness, and providing heaping doses of sympathy could make matters worse.
Approach your parent with respect. Treat your parent as an independent person capable of making decisions and deserving of the same respect and considerations as anyone else. There are some situations where maintaining this tone could prove challenging. Diseases such as dementia can greatly impair your parent’s ability to process and understand what is happening, and may force you to take on a more guardian-like role in such cases. The underlying idea that you can still treat your parent with respect and value his or her preferences still applies more than ever.
Emphasize safety. The number one priority and guiding factor in all discussions and arrangements surrounding a parent’s move to an assisted living facility should be their health and well-being. The more that you can bring this point into focus, the better the transition process will likely be. If, for example, your parent has fallen several times while unsupervised, resulting in hospital stays and broken bones, reminding them of this in a gentle and understanding manner may help them see the logic in making this transition.
Above all, listen. Listening may be all you need to do to help your parent accept the idea of assisted living. It’s very possible that he or she will want to make the move, yet also feels a need to express all of his or her resentments and worries about doing so. By listening, you will help your parent feel more understood and will also help make him or her more receptive to your own feedback.
There is no simple and easy way to discuss assisted living care with a parent. The process can, however, be an opportunity for you two to grow closer as you share your thoughts and feelings about the matter in an open and non-judgmental atmosphere.