Resources for Families

Find essential information and support for families navigating the challenges of caregiving, senior living, and long-term care. Here, you’ll find expert advice, practical tips, and emotional guidance tailored to help families make informed decisions and strengthen their caregiving journey. From understanding dementia care to exploring assisted living options, this category provides the tools and insights needed to support your loved ones with compassion and confidence.

Our LA home for the aging is there to guide your way.Many of us know that living wills are a smart decision, but even with this document in place many find that making medical choices for a loved one is still complicated in practice. This post discusses some of the common problems with living wills and steps that you might be able to take to make sure that your wishes are followed. The living will document was designed to give the patient the right to determine–ahead of time–the type of medical care desired in the event he or she is unable to communicate those wishes. However, the language commonly used within a living will (which is also referred to as a substantive or instructional advanced directive) tends to be rather vague, often lending itself to interpretation. For example, in this age of advanced medical technology and cutting edge treatments, verbiage such as “little to no chance of recovery” is becoming obsolete. Some living wills, indeed, spell out possible scenarios and the patient’s desired outcomes for each scenario. While this is helpful, with medical technology evolving at its current rate, listing every alternative is virtually impossible, which then forces medical professionals and/or family members to then determine what’s best for the patient. Making matters even more difficult is the fact that for many what they want changes following an illness or hospitalization. One research study on medical decision-making revealed that three of every 10 patients change their minds about the type of care they desire, but those changes are not often reflected as quickly on the living will. So then, we’re back to the challenge of interpretation. It’s important to note that even when the patient’s wishes have been clearly written out, family members are still faced with making these decisions at a very emotional time. Arguments often arise between family members in the midst of the crisis about what their loved one really wanted, when their energies would often be better utilized in coming together to support one another as well as the patient. According to a February 2001 study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, family members presented with various health crisis scenarios were about 70% accurate in predicting their loved one’s desires if faced with the scenarios given (whether the patient had a living will or not). That’s good news because three out of five patients who have living wills in the first place never give them to their doctors or to family members. While that fact is baffling to most, it leads directly into the necessity for medical doctors to exercise their professional opinions regarding care that is in the best interest of the patient. Family members must often draw from their knowledge of their loved one’s lifestyle and wishes, perhaps even going back to conversations that happened before a crisis ever arose. Sometimes, though, the decisions made can go directly against the wishes of the patient. Having a living will does not always negate a medical team’s decision to perform invasive procedures on the terminally ill. And again, family members who are facing difficult decisions are often reluctant to accept a diagnosis of imminent death and will, in some cases, fail to follow the instructions in a living will (hoping for a turnaround). A number of legal and health care professionals who once championed the idea of each patient having a living will are now suggesting that patients designate a health care advocate. Generally this would be a family member or perhaps a close friend who would exercise what the legal community calls “substituted judgment.” In short, the health care advocate is responsible for making the decision you would make if you were able to. To protect that individual, a patient may even record verbally or write out their wishes, to confirm that the decision made–no matter how difficult–was in accordance with the patient’s desire. There’s really no way to guarantee that what actually happens during a serious medical situation is what you would have chosen for yourself. But you can increase the chance of receiving the care you desire by communicating with your loved ones, with your doctor, and in writing the outcome you would want.
Board care for elderly can be expensive, help them manage their finances.

Photo used under Creative Commons from Images_of_Money.

As parents become older, there comes a point where you realize that you need to step in and help them with their finances. The red flag may be a bounced check or noticing that some bills are past due, or you could discover much more serious problems like the fact that mom or dad has been taken in by a telemarketing scammer. The steps below are your roadmap to getting your loved one back on track. 1. Know Your Parent’s Finances The first thing every adult child needs to know is the condition of your parent’s finances. This means that you need to know what debts they have (credit cards, loans, mortgages, etc…), as well as what their living expenses are. Familiarize yourself with utilities, credit cards, and any bills they have and make sure you start paying them right away. You also need to know if there are any safe deposit boxes, and if you parents already have a financial advisor. It may be beneficial to take a look at your parent’s tax returns to get an idea of their financial situation. 2. Learn About Your Parent’s Income and Insurance Situation Find out what sources of income your parent has. Find out of if your parent is receiving income from social security, what Medicare options they’ve chosen, and whether they receive Medicaid. Also find out if they have purchased long-term care insurance or other forms of insurance to make sure any premiums are kept up to date and policies are still in order. 3. Establish Who Has Legal Authority Over Your Parent’s Finances When a parent becomes unable to care for their finances, it is especially important for adult children to know who has legal authority to manage the estate. Find out if your parents have already established legal guardianship with a relative, financial advisor, or with an executor. Pre-planning in this area can be especially important as it‘s more difficult to establish power of attorney if your parent develops dementia or Alzheimer’s. If you parents haven’t established a legal guardian before they become incapacitated, you’ll need to seek guardianship through the court system. A judge must agree that your parent is not legally competent to handle their own finances and that you are, which may take time. 4. Contact a Financial Advisor A financial advisor or accountant can help you not only sort out your parent’s current finances, but also help you plan for the future. Depending on how you parent’s have invested, there may be other ways to maximize their assets to help finance their transition to assisted living. A financial advisor can help you navigate the options and ensure the best possible course for your parent’s financial future. 5. Get Everything in Writing In order to safeguard both your parent’s and your own financial future, it’s best to make sure you have written documentation of everything related to their finances. Make sure you have legal authorization to act on their behalf. Any access to funds should be documented and any decisions with a financial advisor should be copied into a written document so there is a paper trail to help protect you and your parent legally. Having written records will also help if conflict or concern arises among siblings or other relatives. Watching a parent age can be a difficult process emotionally for adult children, but it doesn’t have to be difficult financially. By following these steps, adult children can help ease the transition for their parents, ensuring a brighter and more secure financial future.
In our Los Angeles Alzheimer care facilites we understand caring for your parents can be stressful. Let us help.

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Being the caregiver to an aging parent may be one of the toughest family roles imaginable. The task can be as demanding as watching a small child, with the added heartbreak of seeing mom or dad decline…plus the challenge of navigating the changing parent-child dynamic. But there is hope: stress can always be managed. Here are a few tips to use during those times when you feel like it’s all too much. First, do not attempt to become a lone ranger. One of the greatest areas of stress comes from the feeling of taking on more than we can handle, and that is as true in the caregiving role as it is in other areas of our lives. Other relatives may be both willing and able to help. You may also be surprised to find that those outside the family, such as family friends or neighbors, may also be there to lend a hand. It is important to remember that aside from the task of caring for your aging loved one, there are necessary tasks related to caregiving, and having someone else shoulder those for a while may help you build in some much needed time for yourself. Second, schedule in your “me” time. One of the greatest challenges family caregivers have is the overwhelming tendency to neglect their own needs in favor of their loved one. It is critical for caregivers to schedule some non-negotiable time to participate in activities that stimulate and interest them, because caregiving can (and often does) demand a significant amount of time and can deplete an individual both physically and emotionally. Schedule such activities as an exercise class, a movie, date night with a significant other, a massage, dinner with friends, taking classes on a subject of interest, etc… By doing so, the caregiver remains in touch with his or her own life. Third, pay attention to your body. While most caregivers begin their roles in an overall state of good health, statistics show that they are more likely to develop symptoms of depression, anxiety, obesity, and weaker immune response as time goes on. Exercise is a particularly effective method of de-stressing the body, with the added bonus of boosting overall energy levels. Getting outside for fresh air can also be highly invigorating. All the great advice we give our loved ones — about eating balanced meals, drinking plenty of water and getting adequate rest — are just great rules of thumb for everyone to live by… including caregivers. Fourth, building in a support system can be very beneficial. Providing care for an aging loved one brings forth a flood of emotions. After all, it is during this time that the caregiver witnesses the frailty and physical decline of the person whom they have always looked to for their own care. Seeking the services of a psychotherapist or joining a support group (through a church, synagogue, or local agency on aging), caregivers can often receive sound advice on how to cope during this emotionally taxing period. It is important also for the caregiver to not place unrealistic demands upon themselves but to simply do the very best they can. Finally, cherish every moment. Glean the wisdom of these years and forgive any past disappointments you may be harboring against your loved one. Resolve any issues that may still linger, and commit to enjoying each precious moment available. Remember to be kind to others, understanding that each person operates the best they can with the knowledge they have. Be gentle even when expectations go unfulfilled. With a slight shift in perspective, you may find — as others have — much greater enjoyment of life’s simplest gifts as an unexpected bonus from caregiving.
Meetings can be very useful when a family is faced with a tough decision, like whether to move a parent to assisted living. They provide a chance for relatives to come together, pool their knowledge, and discuss various options and strategies. It can be tough even to make the decision to hold such a meeting. The most important family members may not all live close together, so location is a challenge. People’s schedules are packed and some may be reluctant to add one more thing to the calendar. Sometimes it’s assumed that other relatives don’t want to get together. However, it never hurts to ask. Due to the serious nature of the decision, people may be more inclined to be cooperative. And if their lives are heavily affected by caring for mom or dad, they will be interested in solutions that will improve the situation. It is important to include the affected senior, even if it means overcoming challenges presented by physical or mental disability or resistance to facing the need for care. There are several reasons why you may feel this is inappropriate, but making sure your loved one is included in the process is vital to making any solution work. They deserve the respect of knowing that they have say in decisions affecting their life, and you can’t find a solution for them unless you have their own opinion on what their needs are. You may be surprised to learn how they see the issue. This does not mean that the solution mom or dad would choose on their own is necessarily the best one and that they have final say, but you do need to take into account their concerns. Consider including any paid caregivers or others who provide household services. The cleaning lady who comes in on Fridays may have noticed something you haven’t. Also consider bringing in the senior’s friends and neighbors. A social worker or for families where religion is important, a spiritual advisor, may also be helpful. Try to plan the meeting at a time when it’s easier for far-flung family to travel, perhaps during the holidays. When planning the agenda, make sure everyone will get a chance to speak so that they can make their case for what is important to them, and be sure to devote significant time to what the senior has to say themselves. Have everyone in the group review the agenda in advance. Also choose people to take on different tasks: someone who can be a neutral facilitator, someone to take notes, someone to keep time. Plan to hold the meeting in a place that will comfortable and have food and beverages available. Try to choose somewhere that allows a layout where everyone can make eye contact with one another. Tension exists in any family, even those where the members are close and get along well. It’s a normal part of life. Bringing everyone together at once will cause these problems to rise to the surface. Keep conflict to a minimum by focusing everyone on finding solutions for the future, not on rehashing past grief. Remind everyone that there will be no perfect solution and there will have to be compromise in some form. You won’t be able to fix everything then and there. The point is to gather perspectives and come up with practical answers. When you’ve finished the meeting, send the notes to people who were interested but unable to attend, and follow up on whatever course of action was agreed upon. Even if you decide that assisted living is not the right choice now, in time your parent is very likely to need help. Make plans to have them visit facilities you are considering and prepare for an eventual move. It never hurts to have alternate solutions available for when they might be needed. The one thing you can always count on is change.