Choosing the right assisted living facility is one of the most important decisions you can make for a loved one. It’s crucial to evaluate every aspect of a community, from staff interactions to safety features, to ensure the best possible care. Our free printable Assisted Living Facility Tour Checklist (PDF Download) is designed to help you stay organized and make an informed decision.
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A study in ‘The Gerontologist’ states that, “approximately one-third of 65-year-olds are single.” That’s a 50% increase since 1980 according to the U.S. Census.
Aging with family and friends has been shown to result in improved health of seniors, including lower chances of cognitive impairment, and hospitalization. Research shows that socialization, companionship and hobby-building has great benefits for seniors: older adults who are surrounded by others are at a decreased risk of both cardiovascular and cognitive decline.
For some seniors, moving into an Assisted Living Community is the first step they can take to help maintain or increase the quality of life as they grow older. In reputable communities, experts in the field of long-term care help coordinate between activities to create communities where older adults are able to create new memories with one another. Residents take on scheduled group hobbies such as yoga, cooking, and artistry while pursing passions both new and old. Assisted Living Communities can act as a hub for seniors to connect and make new friends.
Our advice for making friends in a community? Participate and try out all the opportunities that are available. The goal is to foster an natural feeling of community with residents similar in age and circumstances.
There are many seniors who make the transition to assisted living or memory care comfortably. But unfortunately, due to the nature of the disease, sometimes loved ones are faced with an uncomfortable request: “I want to go home.” Such a plea is heartbreaking, and when you hear it every time you visit it can leave you quite distressed.
The first thing to know is that when your loved one says “home,” they probably don’t mean their previous residence. Remember that due to Alzheimer’s and dementia, they’re living in their earlier years. Home is most likely their childhood home, and that place and the people they lived with may be long gone. So before you beat yourself up with guilt, know that they are requesting something impossible that you couldn’t give them no matter how hard you tried.
The best way to deal with this request is with gentleness and a little bit of subterfuge. This is one of those moments where enabling your loved one’s denial may be the better course. Avoid correcting or arguing with your loved one, as this will only cause distress without really aiding them in recognizing the truth.
First, use positive body language such as nodding your head. Then try to change the subject. Look for something interesting going on in the immediate environment. Maybe there’s a bird outside the window, or a colorful painting nearby. Point this out to them and shift the conversation. It may also be helpful if you can move them physically: guide them to the object of interest or turn them to face a different direction. You are trying to get them out of an unproductive rut.
From there, seguey into your loved one’s memories. Get them to talk about what “home” was. This will help them pay this cherished place a visit, if only in their minds. A photo album might be helpful here if you have one. Your discussion may give you some clues about how you can bring home to them in their new living space. Perhaps there are beloved objects or furniture that will help their new surroundings feel more familiar.
Your loved one will likely not completely stop talking about home, and you’ll likely continue to feel the pangs of heartbreak. However, some knowledge about where the request is coming from can help you accept it. This is a case where you may not be able to change external circumstances, but you can change how you react to them.
An Alzheimer’s diagnosis can be isolating, both for the person with the illness and for their caregivers. Illness can often create distance between those who were once close, and the nature of Alzheimer’s disease compounds the problem. Others are unsure if the person will remember them or if they’ll behave inappropriately. Still others may remain in the person’s life, but not acknowledge the disease at all, and thus leave a big silence about a major life event. Many people who suspect they have Alzheimer’s avoid an official diagnosis because they fear the effects on their social world and the painful feelings of rejection and loneliness that would come with it.
However, it is vital that patients get a diagnosis so that they can receive proper care. If someone close to you is going through this important turning point, here’s how you can help.
Listen before judging. A time like this is ripe for family conflict. Should the person get diagnosed and when? If they do have Alzheimer’s, how will the family plan for the future? It may be that the Alzheimer’s patient has disagreements with the rest of the family, or people within the family are fighting among each other. You will have your own opinion on the issues at hand, but make sure you’re hearing out the other side and giving their point of view fair and compassionate consideration. Hold back on stating your viewpoint and ask others for theirs first, to make sure they have a chance to give input. A third-party mediator may be able to help if you worry that conflict will get out of control.
Be supportive. One of the best things you can do for your loved one is to help them think through all the choices they have to make at this time. This may require you to keep your own emotions in check at a time when you might be feeling a lot of fear, so it may not be easy. Keep in mind that your loved one will likely be afraid of seeming to be needy or a worry-wart. Encourage them to talk through their concerns rather than keeping them private.
Stay calm. At this time it’s very important to be patient, and not all of us count this as one of our strengths. But keeping your cool can go a long way towards maintaining a positive relationship with your loved one that will keep them open to your much-needed help. Remember that pointing out that you were right or expressing negativity may not be the most productive course of action. Put a focus on keeping a good relationship.
Using these skills will put you in a position not only to support your loved one, but also help you bridge the gap between them and family and friends. You can play an important role in keeping the peace.
Are you searching for a memory care facility for your loved one, but aren’t sure where to start? Our new complimentary ebook, How to Choose a Memory Care Facility for Your Loved One, is a thorough resource that tells you everything you need to consider when making this important decision. Alzheimer’s disease and dementia are challenging conditions, both for patients and for their families. There comes a point when the care mom or dad needs goes beyond what adult children can provide on their own. It’s at this stage that families begin to seek out a place where their loved one can not only have their care needs met, but hopefully thrive as well.
This guide covers the following:
- What to look for regarding a facility’s environment, safety, staffing, quality of care, and policies.
- A checklist of important details that can help you distinguish high-quality care homes from the rest.
- How to identify signs that a facility has serious underlying problems.
- Types of facilities that have dedicated staff and highly personalized care.
- Important considerations when evaluating the cost of memory care.
For aging adults, the move to an assisted living facility is a major life change, but even more so for a couple who has lived together for many years. It is comforting for families to know that while the selection process is still challenging in this situation, there are a growing number of facilities offering accommodations for couples.
For a couple whose health needs are very different (i.e., one is in excellent health and the other is experiencing cognitive decline), you as the caregiver may be able to find a facility well able to accommodate the needs of both individuals. However, because their needs are vastly different, some facilities may house one in a particular area suitable for them, and then do the same for the spouse. In situations like this, while the couple does not live in the same room, they are still able to visit with one another often and share meals and other activities. This is often quite beneficial for the spouse in better health, because while their spouse’s health needs are too great for them to handle, they can still live and socialize under the same roof.
When both spouses are experiencing similar levels of health challenges, arranging for common living space is much easier. For these couples, privacy may become a major hurdle and developing social relationships with others in the assisted living facility can become more difficult (as it becomes much easier to simply keep to themselves). The rule of thumb, though, for the caregiver and assisted living staff, is to focus your selection options on the spouse whose health needs are greater (or the spouse who is older). Discuss this with your loved one’s healthcare professionals before coming to a final decision.
Living together in an assisted living facility can come with tremendous cost benefits as well. Generally speaking, in situations where one spouse is very healthy and the other requires higher level care, the spouse with good health simply pays for room and boarding expenses, while an additional fee is assessed for the care of the other spouse. In short, they are paying for only one room. Many assisted living facilities offer a pricing tier, with the lowest care needs at the bottom of the tier, while others provide services using a la carte, fee-for-service or all-inclusive pricing packages.
The truth is, cohabitation with a loving spouse or partner translates into increased happiness and overall better health generally. These benefits would most certainly apply if the couple moves together into an assisted living facility. It may, in fact, strengthen the bond each has with the other, because in this type of environment, each individual’s needs are met in a friendly, healthy manner. Therefore, this gives the couple the freedom to reconnect with one another in a manner often lost over the years in the midst of health problems and other concerns.
By consulting the staff, touring the facility and discussing your loved one’s health needs, you as a caregiver will certainly be capable of supporting your loved ones’ housing choices…together.
Today, seniors enjoy a wide range of options to choose from when it comes to finding a place to spend their later years. Things haven’t always been this way. In fact, not too long ago, assisted living wasn’t even an option. Prior to the advent of these facilities, older people could only choose between staying at home under the care of a family member or a hired caregiver, or going to a nursing home.
Going to a nursing home was not something one wanted to do, as it often meant forfeiting basic rights, such as the right to privacy. Many times, residents were not permitted to have locks on their doors and would have to share bathrooms. The institutionalized setting and communal bathing and showering areas created an environment all too reminiscent of some of the facilities used to care for the mentally ill. To make matters worse, nursing homes were gaining a reputation for being places where the elderly were frequently mistreated, neglected or even abused.
Dr. Keren Brown Wilson, whose own mother lived in a nursing home, made it her life’s work to develop alternative means to care for the elderly. She was integral in the inception of the first assisted living facility, which would serve as a model for such facilities all across the country. One of Dr. Wilson’s major priorities when developing the assisted living model was to restore the privacy and dignity that were missing in the institutionalized settings of nursing homes. In addition to this, Dr. Wilson made sure that these facilities were adequately staffed with round-the-clock supervision and a more individualized level of care with one-on-one support.
This prototype for a new and innovative way to provide care for the elderly drew attention from many other organizations that then helped turn assisted living into a viable alternative for older adults looking to make the transition to a living situation that provided more support.
The need for supportive living accommodations for seniors is greater than ever, and fortunately, there are a variety of desirable arrangements available. Today’s seniors can choose from different types of assisted living facilities depending on the specific care they need, their budget, and lifestyle choices. Their options, rather than demeaning them at the end of their lives, can help make these years a golden time to enjoy the sunset of their days with few worries.Deciding whether to choose assisted living or home care is tough, and many emotions come up which influence the decision-making process. When you realize that you or a loved one needs some outside help, which option will work better? The answer of course is different for each individual and family, but there are certain considerations that tend to come up again and again.
Two of the key features of assisted living facilities are that they’re designed so that seniors can be as independent as possible while remaining safe, and that they provide services in a cost-efficient manner (since they are shared by several or more people). On the other hand, home care has the undeniable advantage of the senior being able to remain in their home and/or with loved ones.
However, the coziness of home care can also be one of its disadvantages. Having someone in the household with such extensive needs can be a burden for others in the family. We all want to feel like we’re doing as much as we can for aging loved ones, but caregiver burn-out is a real issue. Remember that before you can help others, you must help yourself: if you’re stressed or feeling negative, the senior in your life isn’t getting the best help. Allowing assisted living to take on the chores of daily care may allow you to spend the time connecting with your loved one and enjoying each other’s company.
Another major issue that you should consider is the cost of the two options. Assisted living can be a very affordable solution that gives you a lot of value for your money. Just about all of life’s needs are taken care of in one fee: housing, food, utilities, housekeeping, and social activities, plus the care and assistance that helps the senior get through daily life. Many feel that a lot of worries have been taken off their shoulders when they move to assisted living.
With home care, though, you’re paying on an hourly basis. The average cost of home care in California is $20 per hour, so that adds up quickly even before you throw in other needs like food and housing. Since you are managing home care yourself, you’ll need to have a plan when a hired caregiver cannot come in due to illness or any other reason. This can be addressed by using an agency, but the agency will charge higher-than-average fees for the convenience of knowing someone will always be there.
Again, be sure to take into account your individual needs. There are some situations in which home care may be more appropriate. Before committing to one choice or the other, do thorough research on the actual cost and make sure you truly understand your options. Then this challenging decision may become a little more clear.
Few things can brighten a senior’s day like a visit from their grandchildren and great-grandchildren. These visits can help add purpose to a senior’s life and help them maintain a connection to a world outside the facility and to the family. It also gives the grandchildren a valuable chance to get to know the grandparent. Being able to see how much they mean to older family members is an important experience for the child. But it can be challenging to think of ways to make this time meaningful and enjoyable.
The first step is to prepare the child for visiting the facility. Describe what it’s like and perhaps even show pictures. Explain the purpose of assisted living and why the family decided grandma or grandpa should be there. Explain what behavior will be expected. Be sure to emphasize how happy the senior will be to see the child, but also make sure they know that their grandparent may not be feeling well that day.
What to do during the visit can be a challenge. If everyone just sits around in grandma’s room, it will be boring for the children and unsatisfying for the senior. Instead, have a plan. Here are some ideas:
- Bring children at a time when the residents are socializing. That way, the senior can introduce the child to friends and have a chance to show off their wonderful grandchildren.
- Wear Halloween costumes so that the grandparent can see in person how cute they look and what creative ideas everyone came up with. There may be other holidays where the children are dressing up, such as Purim or Christmas, and they can show their grandparent their special outfits for these times too.
- Have children bring a recent school project that they can show to their grandparent. Seniors are likely to be very interested in seeing what kids are learning in school these days. If the project is about something the senior doesn’t know about, that gives the child a chance to be the teacher.
- Play games. The child can bring a favorite game to share with the grandparent, and it’s likely that the grandparent has a favorite game of their own that they can teach the child.
- Decorate the senior’s room for an upcoming holiday. Decorations often bring out lots of excitement in children, and seniors will feel loved and have a reminder of the visit after the children have left.
- Share riddles and jokes and silly songs. Children might be very interested to hear some of the songs the grandparent remembers from when they were the child’s age.
- Bring photographs or video of a recent event in the child’s life, such as a chorus concert, ball game, or scouting trip. Have the child tell the grandparent stories about what happened.
- If you’re willing to take on a bigger project, talk to the assisted living facility and the child’s school about arranging a class visit. The children could sing for the seniors or perform a skit. Another idea is to have children interview the seniors about their lives, and use the information to write short biographies that can be compiled into a collection for both seniors and the children to keep.
Seniors entering assisted living may need help with daily tasks due to the physical limitations of old age, but often their minds are still relatively healthy. These seniors can benefit from taking simple actions that will help them continue to maintain their mental abilities.
1. Take on puzzles and games. Exercise the mind with logic challenges to keep it active. Card games are a great example: those seniors who enjoy bridge, even without realizing it, are doing more for themselves than simply having a good time enjoying competition with friends. Board games like monopoly are good choices too, and don’t forget the ever-popular Bingo (play with multiple cards to get the most brain-stimulating challenge)! Sodoku and crossword puzzles work well. The best benefit from games comes when there’s a social aspect to them: interacting with others provides additional stimulation and challenge.
2. Be social. If you’re not someone who enjoys games, even social interaction itself can benefit the mind. Talk to other residents and get to know them. Take an interest in the staff members you come into contact with and ask them about their lives outside of work–with their demanding and sometimes emotionally draining jobs, many caregivers will appreciate the chance to make a personal connection and be recognized. Check out activites being offered by the community. Social interaction has had documented positive effects not just on the mind, but on overall health as well. Seniors in assisted living, who have a community readily available, are well-situated to take advantage of these benefits.
3. Eat properly. Good nutrition and regular meals are good for both the body and the brain. Your assisted living facility can be a big help with this, providing healthy food on schedule without you having to worry about it. Eat a variety of things and for mental benefits specifically focus on colorful fruit, leafy green vegetables, and foods with omega-3 fatty acids like nuts and fish. Drink water often: seniors are more likely to become dehydrated than younger adults.
4. Move. We think of exercise as benefiting the body, but our minds thrive on it too. Don’t shy away from the chance to be active. Coordinated movements, especially dancing, can be great for keeping yourself sharp. Line dancing, for example, forces you to use your memory to learn and remember the steps. Another option is to go for a walk, even if it’s just around the hallways of the facility. Seniors have been shown to benefit from light strength training and low-impact aerobic exercises designed for them. Physical activity increases your oxygen use and blood flow to your brain. Whatever exercise you choose, to get the benefits it’s important that you be consistent.