Music has a remarkable ability to touch our souls and evoke memories from deep within. For Alzheimer’s patients, this connection is not just emotional – it’s therapeutic. Music has been shown to alleviate pain, improve sleep, reduce anxiety, and elevate mood. Its impact is so profound that in some cases, it even outperforms traditional medicine in stimulating healing and well-being. For seniors with Alzheimer’s, music does more than just entertain – it becomes a bridge to their past, a soothing comfort in an unfamiliar world, and a means of expressing joy when words fail.
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One of the more emotionally distressing experiences for caregivers is facing false accusations from a loved one with dementia. These claims can range from harmless confusion to serious allegations of theft or abuse. While painful, it’s important to understand that such accusations are not personal attacks, but rather a symptom of the cognitive decline brought on by dementia.
Are you searching for a memory care facility for your loved one, but aren’t sure where to start? Our new complimentary ebook, How to Choose a Memory Care Facility for Your Loved One, is a thorough resource that tells you everything you need to consider when making this important decision. Alzheimer’s disease and dementia are challenging conditions, both for patients and for their families. There comes a point when the care mom or dad needs goes beyond what adult children can provide on their own. It’s at this stage that families begin to seek out a place where their loved one can not only have their care needs met, but hopefully thrive as well.
This guide covers the following:
- What to look for regarding a facility’s environment, safety, staffing, quality of care, and policies.
- A checklist of important details that can help you distinguish high-quality care homes from the rest.
- How to identify signs that a facility has serious underlying problems.
- Types of facilities that have dedicated staff and highly personalized care.
- Important considerations when evaluating the cost of memory care.
Those in the later stages of dementia may have lost much of their former mobility, but that doesn’t mean that they can no longer exercise, or that it isn’t beneficial to do so. As discussed in an earlier post, dementia patients can slow the progress of the disease by working some activity into their daily routine. We’re not talking jogging and playing volleyball, but rather simply moving and experiencing some physical challenge.
Here are a few exercises that those in the later stages of dementia should be able to complete:
- Encourage your loved one to stand up and move around as much as possible. This will maintain strength in the legs and help with balance.
- Have your loved one lie flat on the bed for up to a half hour. This will give the neck a break and help him or her stretch out.
- Help your loved one sit without support. They should not try this out when they’re alone, as there’s a chance they may fall. This will aid the muscles in the stomach and the back that support posture.
- Your loved one can also stand and balance. If they need to hold onto something for support, they’ll still get some benefit. They can even try this any time they have to stand for a few minutes, such as in the shower.
- Have your loved one sit on one end of the bed, and then scoot to the other end while sitting. This exercise is good practice for getting up from a chair.
We know that exercise is important, but sometimes we forget that that applies to seniors too. Getting some form of exercise can increase the quality of life for dementia patients and keep them healthier. One study even found that seniors who exercise pay less in medical bills!
Of course, high-impact aerobics or a Muscle Beach strength routine wouldn’t be appropriate for most seniors. But there are plenty of exercises that they can do. Below are some suggestions for those in the earlier stages of dementia. Our next post will offer exercise suggestions for those in later stages.
Walking
Walking is perhaps the most basic exercise of all. To get started, all you need is your own two feet. It’s easy to design a walking routine to fit what that particular person is capable of: they may take a walk around the neighborhood or simply down the hall and back. Two friends can even go for a walk together to combine physical exercise with socialization benefits.
Tai Chi
Tai Chi is a slow and graceful form of Chinese martial arts that’s been shown to reduce stress and improve balance and stability. It can be thought of as a form of moving meditation, more gentle and relaxed than yoga. Its movements are perfect for seniors due to the activity’s easy, gentle pace.
Swimming
Many seniors enjoy swimming, finding it to be a relaxing activity in which movement is less jarring to the joints. If your loved one enjoys the water, this could be the perfect activity for them. Keep in mind that seniors with dementia should be supervised while swimming.
Dancing
You don’t need to be fast and build up a sweat to be dancing. You can even dance while sitting down! For seniors, swaying back and forth can be beneficial. The music and the fact that dancing is usually done with others adds social and emotional advantages to this activity.
Gardening
Even if your loved one wasn’t a gardener earlier in life, they can still take up this pastime now. Simple activities like weeding or watering don’t require a green thumb or prize-winning expertise. This activity provides the sensory benefits of the colors, smells, and textures, and also allows seniors to take meaning from the effort involved in making something grow. There’s a certain satisfaction in achieving results, no matter how simple.
Seniors should get the same amount of exercise as the rest of us: 30 minutes for five days per week. This may sound like a lot, but keep in mind all 30 minutes don’t need to be done at once.
Be sure to consult with your doctor before beginning any exercise routine.
On your last visit, Mom seemed kind of down so you’re determined to cheer her up today. You open the door to her room. She looks up with a smile that reminds you of the days you’d run home from school with a 100 on your spelling test. She rises and gives you a big hug. “Ella, I am so glad to see you. I was beginning to think you’d forgotten all about me.”
She’s showing more enthusiasm than she has in weeks. So why is your stomach in free fall, and your heart pounding to beat the band? It’s because your name is Barbara. Ella is Mom’s older sister who died four years ago. What do you do? You want to keep her spirits up, but you don’t feel it’s right to play along.
Mistaking children for siblings or other loved ones is not uncommon in Alzheimer’s patients. Alzheimer’s patients lose short term memory but not their recall of the past. You look after her interests. You make sure everything’s going well. You’re her protector, just like big sister Ella used to be. Seeing you may have caused a cross wire.
When Mom recalls her long ago, it’s like she’s living in a dream. Now you’re here but the dream remains. She’s made you a part of it. You want to wake her up, but gently.
There are several things you can do. But first and foremost, do not take offense. Think of her misrecognition as a compliment. She’s connecting you with someone she loves. Secondly, do not argue with her. Don’t make her see. Help her see.
Listen to her, let her say what she has to say, then try to re-direct her focus. Switch the topic. A change of scenery may help. Suggest going for a walk. Address her by name – Mom. Hearing that one word may be all it takes, but it may not always work. It’s in both of your interests to try to prevent this from happening again. Here’s a suggestion you may want to try. This may even be fun – for both of you.
First, gather up all the old photos you have at home. Scour the basement or the attic. What you want is a time line of Mom’s life: as a young mom, with you and all your siblings, and on through all the stages of the family’s life If you’re lucky you can extend it even further back, with photos of Mom when she was a child – with Aunt Ella. This may keep her in the present and if nothing else, will be an emotional bonding experience for you both.
Next, gather some present time photos. You, Mom, your siblings, the grandkids, if they visit. That’s all you need. You don’t want to confuse her or you’ll be back where you began. Bring some cute labels. Make it a project. Label each photo, and create a timeline from past to present. This may help to trigger mom’s memory about who you are, by connecting an image of you from the past with what you look like now. Hang the timeline in a prominent place in her room.
Finally, you don’t want to go down this path again, so next time you visit, identify yourself – face to face. “Hi Mom! It’s your daughter Barbara.” If mom has a favorite nickname for you, refer to yourself that way.
If you can keep her in the present, there’s no need to bring her back.
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Learning that your loved one has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s will bring a flood of worries and emotions. You’ll feel shock, grief, fear, and anger. You’ll wonder how you can help them and what changes will take place, both for them and for you. This will be a difficult time. In the midst of this whirlwind, though, know that there are decisions to be made, and it’s better to tackle them now rather than put them off. The earlier you do so, the easier it will be for everyone, and the more chance you have of making sure your loved one is involved in the process.
1. Who will take care of your loved one’s finances and medical decisions when they can no longer act on their own behalf?
This is never an easy conversation, but it’s an essential one for all adult children to have with their parents. Hopefully, you’ll be able to discuss this while your parent is still competent enough to make arrangements, and you can get their wishes in writing. An attorney who specializes in elder issues can be a helpful guide, and the Alzheimer’s Association also provides a number of useful resources.
2. Who will care for your loved one?
Don’t assume that a particular person, whether it’s your parent’s spouse or your sister who lives five miles from your parent, will be the one to take on the primary caregiving responsibilities. No one wants such a large commitment foisted upon them. Remember that someone with Alzheimer’s eventually will require constant care, and that may not be something that anyone in your family is able to provide. Those closest to the patient should meet to discuss expectations and the feasibility of different possible situations.
3. Where will your loved one call home?
Most seniors will want to stay in their own home as long as possible, but at some point it’s likely that this living arrangement will no longer be viable. Think about how easy their current residence will be for them to navigate as the disease progresses and as they continue to age. Consider both having your parent move to be closer to family and choosing an assisted living facility or board and care home.
It may seem next to impossible to tackle these big decisions during such an emotional time. But you’ll be glad later that you’ve moved forward on taking charge of the situation. You can’t control the diagnosis, but you can influence how you and your family begin to move ahead.For many caregivers, one of the most challenging aspects of dementia is handling repetitive questioning. You may notice that a loved one asks the same question multiple times in a short period, unaware that they have already received an answer. This behavior is frustrating for caregivers but is often distressing for the individual with dementia as well. Short-term memory loss is one of the earliest and most noticeable symptoms of dementia. A person may ask where their spouse is, how old their grandchildren are, or what day it is – all within the span of a few minutes. While these questions seem simple, they reflect the emotional needs of the person asking. Rather than focusing on the repetition itself, it’s essential to understand why the question is being asked.
If you feel that you’ve already lost your loved one, even though he or she is still alive, you may be experiencing some of the classic and normal signs of grief that usually aren’t felt until your loved one has died. Reading articles, websites, and books about coping can be helpful, and you can also consider some of these ideas.
Know That They’re Still There
Remember that at one time, your parent knew a different “you.”
You as a baby, a toddler, and a child were a different version of you, but it was you nonetheless. If you can see your parent as being at a different phase of his or her life, it can be less painful than allowing yourself to think that he or she is gone.
Cherish the Memories
Make the assumption that your loved ones can see and hear some of what you’re saying and doing. Talk to them, read to them, and continue the same as you would if they were sitting up smiling at you. It will absolutely give you much comfort in knowing that you have truly done your best.
Be Kind to Yourself
Were you patient enough? Did you love them enough? Did you respond quickly enough to feed them, change them, and answer the phone when they called? Were you…good enough?
Yes. You were. The loving care that your parent is receiving now is a result of you being “good enough.” Your parent cared for you, and you were able to come full circle and care for him or her and ensure that he or she is receiving the best possible care.
Explore Others’ Experiences
When he was diagnosed at the age of 57, Tomas DeBaggio wrote Losing My Mind: An Intimate Look at Life with Alzheimer’s. His book, the first of its kind, chronicled the extraordinary account of his journey through the disease. He said that it “silently hollows the brain” and slowly “gobbles memory and destroys life.”
He wrote the book for himself in an effort to remember his life before he lost it forever, but it serves as a landmark piece of literature that helps the aging and their families understand the mind of the Alzheimer’s victim.
The first step in this challenging time is for families to understand that their loved ones are not gone. They may appear to be gone, and their doctors may say that their minds are gone, but they are still there. All research indicates that though they may not respond to much and they cannot express themselves, they do feel.
Above all, be good to yourself. This time is probably at least as difficult for you as it is for them.