Raya’s Paradise Residential Care Communities Blog

Come read Raya’s Paradise blog about assisted living Los Angeles.

Notice the Seniors Around You

Noticing the seniors around you can bring rewards.When you visit your loved one, do you ever take a look at any other residents? I mean really take a look. Or have these elders become part of the background of the facility? How about that tiny woman with the thick glasses who’s always in the main lounge, shading her eyes from the light; or the frail man with the gray hair who nods at you from his wheelchair whenever you pass by? And that Asian man who likes to sit by the window watching the traffic outside, have you ever wondered about him? Your mom or dad’s new neighbors all have a piece of history attached to them. Some struggled in school, while others triumphed. Some worked with numbers while some pursued their creative abilities. Some individuals worked at exciting or prestigious jobs, others at boring repetitious ones. They lived, loved, and laughed, just like your mother or father. Why not take the time to learn a bit about them, too? When you’re spending time in the lounge with your mom or dad, choose a seat within speaking distance of another resident. Start with a smile. You never know where a casual comment may lead. We all crave conversation. In most cases, it doesn’t diminish with age. In sharing their stories, a senior has a chance to relive their experiences here and now, rather than in the recesses of their memory. They matter to someone who wants to know who they are. As for your mom or dad, perhaps they will gain a new friend out of your simple outreach. Maybe your dad was a pharmaceutical salesman, too. Maybe your mom was an I Love Lucy fan, too. Common experiences can serve as a firm foundation for a friendship. You’ll feel better knowing she’ll have someone to “hang out with.” You might benefit in other ways too. Widening your circle of older acquaintances might result in practical advice you can put in place in your own life. And when you least expect it! Take that lady mentioned above, the one with the glasses. A woman visiting her father, who was a writer experiencing a string of rejections, struck up what she thought was a casual conversation with the unassuming senior. As she wheeled her father toward the elevator, she offered her arm to the old lady hobbling beside her. She learned that the woman had been an accomplished illustrator of children’s books in the 1960s and ‘70s. “Oh, I tried writing children’s books,” our visitor replied. “And what happened?” asked the woman. “I gave up.” “Well, you must start again,” was the advice offered. And so she did. So, look around. At the very least you’ll break up the monotony of another human’s life. You never know, you might hear about a life of accomplishment. That Asian gentleman by the window, he was the youngest in a family that emigrated from China. Inspired by parents who believed in education and excellence, he went on to medical school and opened his own neighborhood practice, holding off retirement until the age of 82. And the friendly gentleman in the wheelchair — after a career as a cameraman in Hollywood studios, he opened a successful store specializing in nuts and fine candies. It flourished for years. Notice someone, because you never know where it will lead.  
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Caregiving and Anxiety

These three tips can help ease caregivers' anxiety.We probably don’t have to tell you that those with elderly parents are more prone to anxiety. The root of anxiety is unexpected changes, and the health of seniors can change suddenly. Caregivers are also working hard to balance multiple priorities, and often feel stretched to the max. Addressing severe anxiety will require help from a doctor or therapist, but the tips below will give you some tools that you can use on your own to get to a more relaxed, peaceful state. 1. Do something you enjoy. Yes, we know you don’t have a lot of spare time. But there’s much you can do to make life more pleasant in the bits of time you do have. A ten minute walk on a nice day can work wonders, especially if you make a point of being in the moment and enjoying it. Another thing to do that adds virtually no extra time is to listen to your favorite music while you’re in the car, at your desk, or doing chores. Also, try to squeeze in time for your hobbies. Even spending just an hour a week, or one day a month, can help lift your mood and give you an outlet. 2. Try meditation or breathing exercises. Simply taking a few minutes to focus on your breathing has more of an effect than you might think. If you find your anxiety rising, stop and take some slow, deliberate, deep breaths. This basic technique should help, but you can search online for more breathing exercises to get further benefits. Meditation or prayer can have similar advantages. Don’t worry if you think you don’t know how: meditation can be as simple as taking the time to pay attention to your breath and the present moment. You don’t have to be an expert. 3. Focus on nutrition and exercise. When we’re busy, taking care of ourselves can be one of the first things to go. But sticking to healthy routines goes a long way to staying on track in life. If you find that in your stress it’s hard to say no to fatty or sugary comfort foods, start not by cutting back on the things you crave but by adding healthier options into the mix. Have a piece of fruit as a snack or a salad along with your dinner. You’ll likely find yourself wanting less as these additions help curb your hunger, and as you develop a taste for healthy choices you’ll pick them more often. As for exercise, even a walk and a quick stretching routine can make a difference. Addressing your anxiety is not just about helping you feel more calm and peaceful, but about helping your loved one as well. Your parent is probably picking up on your stress, even if you think you’re hiding it, and they themselves feel more stressed in turn. Taking a little time for yourself to follow these steps will benefit not just you, but everyone around you. For additional tips, check out our post on caregiver stress.
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Forgiving Your Elderly Parent

Even if your parent has hurt you badly, you can forgive.Every parent-child relationship has at least a little hurt that’s developed over the years, and many of us hold resentment and anger towards our parents for past wrongs. Some have unfortunately had to deal with a parent’s addiction, neglect, or abuse. When the time comes when your parent needs more day to day help and assistance with managing their affairs, these emotions can prevent you from stepping in to help. How can you manage this situation when your emotions make it difficult to meet your parent’s needs? If you are willing to forgive but are unsure how, take hope: healing the rift is possible. First, stay focused on the present. The past is over and nothing can be done to change it now; you have nothing but pain to gain if you hang onto it. Remember that by clinging to your resentment, you are only making yourself feel bad. There are even studies that show that people who are able to forgive lead longer and healthier lives. Recognize that the wrong you were done has helped make you who you are today, and may have caused you to develop some of your strengths. For example, struggling with an abusive parent may have resulted in you becoming stronger and better able to stand up for yourself and protect your boundaries. It may also mean that you are kinder and more able to keep yourself from lashing out in ways that are harmful to others. Consider looking at your history with your parent from a different angle. Were they doing the best they could do at the time? Were they struggling with circumstances beyond their control? Put yourself in your parent’s shoes, and while you shouldn’t excuse bad behavior, you may find yourself more able to understand how it could happen. Finally, seek out stories about those who have forgiven people who hurt them. Hearing the experiences of others can help inspire you or give you a guide for how you yourself might forgive. There are many story collections out there on this topic – your local library is sure to have at least a few. You can also look for movies that address the theme of forgiveness. Remember, forgiving someone doesn’t mean that the wrong they did is now OK. But try to separate the person from their behavior. We all make mistakes and behave badly at times, but that doesn’t mean that at our core we don’t deserve love and a second chance.
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How Often Should You Visit Your Parent in Assisted Living?

When a parent first moves into assisted living, it’s common for their children to feel overwhelmed with guilt. Questions like “Does my loved one feel abandoned?” or “Could I have made a different arrangement to keep them at home?” often weigh heavily. While these emotions are natural, it’s important to approach the situation thoughtfully and strike a balance between caregiving responsibilities and your own life.
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How to Know When Your Parents Should Stop Driving

Deciding when it’s no longer safe for your parent to drive can be one of the most difficult moments in your role as a caregiver. It may also be the first time you need to step in and initiate a major lifestyle change for their well-being and for the safety of others. There’s no exact age when someone should give up their license. But there are warning signs that suggest it’s time to take a closer look at your loved one’s driving abilities.
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Helping a Child Better Understand Dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease

Children can have a tough time understanding the challenges of dementia.While it is incredibly difficult for adults to adjust to the progressive challenges that come along with caring for a loved one with dementia, the pain and frustration a child (or teen) might feel can become almost overwhelming. Imagine, for a moment, the difficulties in comprehending why their grandparent or other loved one no longer recognizes them or behaves in a manner inconsistent with previous experiences. It can be tough, but being aware of your child’s feelings and helping them learn to cope can reduce frustration on the part of both your child and your loved one. Dealing with dementia can be frightening as you watch your loved one’s memory and behavior fade into unknown territory. However, children are often curious and as they begin to notice changes, you might help to ward off anxiety by both anticipating questions and by quickly addressing their questions in an age-appropriate manner. For example, depending on the emotional closeness the child has enjoyed with the loved one, the fact that grandma can no longer remember them or seems to be acting bizarre in your child’s presence may suggest the loving, special bond once shared is now lost. Feelings of rejection can ensue. However, you can always do your best to reassure your child that the disease causes difficulty in remembering things. Remind them that Grandma does, however, still love them and regards them as a special part of her life. Young children may develop a concern that you, too, may begin to develop similar symptoms and that they might “lose” you, too. Educate them; dementia is not a contagious disease and it is not a part of the normal aging process. Questions regarding what happens next will have to be addressed gingerly. Young children thrive upon routine; therefore, you will do well to explain to young children how their normal routine may change a bit in the face of the illness. Combat feelings of jealousy by assuring them that although your loved one will need time and attention, they are still an important part of your family unit. Signs that dementia and Alzheimer’s disease is affecting your child may come in indirect manners, such as substandard grades or withdrawal from friends. In instances where your loved one is being cared for in the home, emotional expressions may become more exaggerated or more frequent. For example, your child or teen may become exceptionally frustrated at having to repeat themselves again and again, or from being subjected to seemingly silly accounts given by your loved one. He or she may feel that the loved one with cognitive decline gets all the attention and may lash out in the moment. While it is likely that both you and your child will be learning – and coping – with the effects of the disease at the same time, gently remind them that all people (even those who are forgetful and sometimes difficult) have the capacity to feel and receive the outpouring of love in the moment. Encourage your child to talk about feelings and observations; your child may reveal things you haven’t previously addressed that could be an underlying cause for concern. As much as you can, help them to comprehend that you, too, can empathize with their feelings. Further, help them understand that their grandparent or other relative with cognitive decline did not choose the disease and that the changes happening inside their brain is what is causing the memory and behavior problems. For you as a parent, read over related materials to help with these discussions. Try involving your child with the loved one with dementia or Alzheimer’s by engaging them in simple activities like listening to music, setting the table, or creating memory boxes. Above all, you and your child can come together to devise ways of showing your love and support which helps you both to keep an open line of communication available for everyone involved.  
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The Pros and Cons of Dementia Care Support Groups

Being a caregiver is a challenging journey, especially when caring for a loved one with dementia. Cognitive decline brings unique obstacles, such as managing unpredictable behaviors, increasing caregiving responsibilities, communication difficulties, and feelings of isolation as friends and family sometimes distance themselves. These challenges can leave caregivers feeling overwhelmed and misunderstood. In such times, joining a dementia care support group may offer relief and support. These groups, often led by trained professionals, provide a safe space for caregivers to share experiences and gain insights. Some groups cater to specific needs, such as spouses, adult children, or those caring for patients in later stages of dementia. Below, we explore the pros and cons of joining a dementia care support group to help you decide if this resource is right for you.
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Setting Limits as a Caregiver

Caring for an aging parent while juggling work, family, and personal obligations can feel like an impossible balancing act. Many caregivers take on too much, often sacrificing their own well-being in the process. The emotional complexity of caregiving, especially the role reversal between parent and child, makes setting boundaries difficult. However, establishing limits isn’t just beneficial for the caregiver, it also fosters a sense of independence and dignity for the aging loved one.
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The Stages of Dementia

If you have a loved one living with dementia, one of the most common questions is also the hardest one to answer. What should we expect next. Dementia does progress, but it does not progress like a clean staircase. People can look steady for a while, then change quickly after an illness, a fall, a medication reaction, or a major life stress. Others decline slowly over years. Sudden confusion or behavior shifts can also be delirium or another medical issue and should be evaluated promptly. This guide is built to be a comprehensive, practical “stages of dementia” resource. It explains the most common staging frameworks, what typically changes at each stage, what is a safety red flag, and when families in Southern California often consider more structured support.
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Choosing a Hearing Aid

Purchasing a hearing aid requires some research.Currently, about 37 million Americans are affected by some form of hearing loss – from slight impairment to complete deafness. Of that staggering number, only about one-fourth of those individuals actually utilize hearing aids to overcome this challenge. Among the top reasons for not choosing a hearing aid: the unwillingness to admit the disability and the high cost associated with the devices. The costs for a hearing aid range from $1400 to $5000 each, according to the Hearing Loss Association (a consumer advocacy group). The market is now made up of almost all digital hearing devices which receive sound via a small microphone, process the sounds digitally using a microchip, then amplify the sound, sending it to the recipient’s ear. These are a far cry from the analog hearing aids of old, which did little more for the recipient than amplify the sound and allow him/her to adjust the volume. Overcoming hearing loss is such an individual process that the newer, digital devices allow manufacturers to adjust the devices to suit the particular needs of the buyer… and that’s great news. That is due largely to the fact that two people with the exact same level of hearing loss can process sounds entirely differently, making the selection of a hearing aid a very individualized matter. Most hearing loss evaluations are performed by audiologists or by ear, nose and throat specialists. These professionals can often also sell you devices, or recommend you to reputable vendors. If you are having trouble locating an audiologist, the American Academy of Audiologists can connect you with a list of qualified providers. A basic hearing test includes the following:
  • Speech audiometry: The patient repeats words (in silence and noisy backgrounds) to determine how the hearing loss is affecting him or her.
  • Pure tone bone conduction audiometry: This test detects where  in the ear the hearing loss has occurred, and thus how best to treat the problem.
  • Tympanogram: This test determines how well the middle ear hearing system, as well as the eardrum, is working.
  • Pure tone air conduction audiometry: This test determines how well the patient actually hears the beeps and tones given.
Once the level of hearing loss is accurately assessed, the hearing specialist should also work to determine your lifestyle, so that the hearing aid chosen will actually fit into your normal daily routine. Your specialist may want to know if you live alone or with others, in a large or small space, if you dine out regularly, if you are often in noisy environments (movies, theater, religious services, etc.), or if you’re a heavy user of your telephone or television. Before you look into the types of devices available, it is important to note that most medical insurance plans will readily cover the cost of testing, but most will cover little (if any) of the cost for the actual device. If you served in the military, be sure to start with your local Veteran’s Administration’s office, as they have some programs to address hearing loss for vets. Medicare, along with most private insurers and Medicare Advantage plans, exclude the cost of the device with some exceptions for cochlear implants designed to address the most severe of hearing loss concerns. Financial help is available through programs with Lions Club International, the Hearing Loss Association, as well as the Better Hearing Institute. Hearing aids and their capabilities have come a long way, so ask your vendor about the number of options available (as well as warranties and extra fitting fees, if any). Open fit hearing aids eliminate distractions and echoes, as do the devices outfitted with noise reduction technology. Devices with directional microphones reduce outside distractions and the Bluetooth option allows calls from your cell phone to ring directly to the hearing aid. Of course, today’s digital technology provides all types of options to accommodate your lifestyle.  
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